thoughts #3
So I’ve heard more than one person (either close or not so close, have spent the whole time beside me or only took a few hours/days interacting with me) assured me that I have personality (or attitude?). And there’s one person - who knows me since I was small, but not very close, not a guider or watcher whatsoever - told me that it’s ok to have personality but don’t be “over the top”. Over the top is no good. It made me wonder (and cried out inside),
Why can’t I embrace me for who I am?
Why do I have to suppress what makes me myself rather than easy-to-please, bland tasted manufactured cookies?
And is it ok or not ok to have personality, really?
Do I imply that I’m tasty? No. But I stopped trying to be every other girl (or how they want me to be), who has zero opinion, cares about what others think about myself more than how I feel, pleases everyone else ‘til I’m suffocated with it. To be or not to be?
People either hate or envy someone like me because you know what? It asks for guts to have that ” I don’t give a fuck” attitude, and it also asks for more guts and the ability to withstand pains to stick with it (even when I’m suffering). It’s hard to stand for yourself and defense what you believe in but at least I accept the price (either if I gain or lose) and I’m willing to pay for the price tag. But I always hope that people’ll respect that and learn to accept the person that I’m, no made up, no faking. What they don’t know or try to ignore the fact that I’ve been trying hard to accept myself, embrace my flaws and imperfections, which is apparently the hardest things one have to deal with.
